For the first time in so many months

Today morning I did something important. I stopped lying to myself. For the first time in so many months I stopped being afraid of losing the comfortable (‘coz I got used to it), but faked reality. I know the reasons why I did not put it to an end before – I feared. To be different from the mass around, to be an object of laughter. When the Heavens gave me tons and tons of signals to stop this self-delusion. While I was digging in myself deeper and deeper with each new prompt. It is my complex. Off with the complexes! For the first time in so many months.

Today morning I woke up renewed. I rose from the bed, switched on the laptop – and started typing. And the further I typed to him the more relief I was feeling. For the first time in so many months I am having absolute piece inside, when there’s nothing more to fight with, nothing more to fear to know about myself. ‘Coz today morning was the first time in so many months when I told the truth to myself. And I found relief. Finally. For the first time in so many months!

Since today morning I am not afraid of staying alone. For the first time in so many months I feel that I’ve got freedom from something that has been keeping me aloof from the world. When keeping pace with the life is so much important for me.

And I don’t feel the way I did in summer when we broke off ‘coz then I was not ready to admit this one so simple truth – I D-O-N’T L-O-V-E H-I-M! Well of course I do! But as a friend - more than a friend! Not as a man…

He will be happy. In his way. I will be. In my way. Each of us will choose his path. They are too different to be aligned. But you have to knock at so many doors and peep round so many corners to finally find what is meant for you, find someone who is your true match. And we have to make choices. To choose one thing and lose the other. I’ve made my choice today morning, for the first time in so many months.

Life is Sliding Doors all the time
Life is Crossroads we fall upon
Choose the Sun, and the Moon won’t shine
Choose the straight road, and you won’t turn
Choose Tomorrow, and you’ll lose Today
Choose the Skies, and you’ll lose this world
Nothing wastes love more than staying the same
It’s a go! And I speak, I speak farewell words…
I speak farewell words…
I speak farewell words!

PS I’m always with you wherever you are; I’m your good friend forever :)