For the first time in so many months

Today morning I did something important. I stopped lying to myself. For the first time in so many months I stopped being afraid of losing the comfortable (‘coz I got used to it), but faked reality. I know the reasons why I did not put it to an end before – I feared. To be different from the mass around, to be an object of laughter. When the Heavens gave me tons and tons of signals to stop this self-delusion. While I was digging in myself deeper and deeper with each new prompt. It is my complex. Off with the complexes! For the first time in so many months.

Today morning I woke up renewed. I rose from the bed, switched on the laptop – and started typing. And the further I typed to him the more relief I was feeling. For the first time in so many months I am having absolute piece inside, when there’s nothing more to fight with, nothing more to fear to know about myself. ‘Coz today morning was the first time in so many months when I told the truth to myself. And I found relief. Finally. For the first time in so many months!

Since today morning I am not afraid of staying alone. For the first time in so many months I feel that I’ve got freedom from something that has been keeping me aloof from the world. When keeping pace with the life is so much important for me.

And I don’t feel the way I did in summer when we broke off ‘coz then I was not ready to admit this one so simple truth – I D-O-N’T L-O-V-E H-I-M! Well of course I do! But as a friend - more than a friend! Not as a man…

He will be happy. In his way. I will be. In my way. Each of us will choose his path. They are too different to be aligned. But you have to knock at so many doors and peep round so many corners to finally find what is meant for you, find someone who is your true match. And we have to make choices. To choose one thing and lose the other. I’ve made my choice today morning, for the first time in so many months.

Life is Sliding Doors all the time
Life is Crossroads we fall upon
Choose the Sun, and the Moon won’t shine
Choose the straight road, and you won’t turn
Choose Tomorrow, and you’ll lose Today
Choose the Skies, and you’ll lose this world
Nothing wastes love more than staying the same
It’s a go! And I speak, I speak farewell words…
I speak farewell words…
I speak farewell words!

PS I’m always with you wherever you are; I’m your good friend forever :)

You Make Me Strong

My fingers hit the keyboard in the Studio
Another melody is born for you
And what I'm shy to say you hear in this new audio
In all the hard times music brought me through
Don't wanna turn to the days before our knowing
I seemed to be asleep for so long
And weak I held out until I heard your spirit calling
It was the first time I felt I was strong

I used to run away from the chasing crowd
Then made back for its acclaim once more
My life was face and face and face around (all around)
But not a single face I really saw
You helped me to open up my eyes tight-closed
And look at the world to which I belong
This shutting off didn't make me as safe as I supposed
'Coz it's just with you that I feel really strong

Through the cloud-burst and smoke
I see life like Wonderland
Stirrin' up one's lurking hope
Sayin' your chances have no end
And I advance with resolute step
And I've no fear of being wrong
'Coz whenever troubles happen
You make me strong

How skillfully fate plays with our souls
First it knocks you down and then gives wings to fly
My gloomy yesterdays are spilling over tomorrows (bright tomorrows)
And I wonder what I've done to go so high
And if someday you say what I hear often,
'You know what, I'd better be movin' along'
I won't reply - I'll go after (ever after)
'Coz I want to go with you, you make me strong!

Through the cloud-burst and smoke
I see life like Wonderland
Stirrin' up one's lurking hope
Sayin' your chances have no end
And I advance with resolute step
And I've no fear of being wrong
'Coz whenever troubles happen
You make me strong

You make me feel mighty when I'm falling
You make me be rocket when I'm crawling
You make my heart sink in rock sound ever
And I pray for this feeling lasts forever

Through the cloud-burst and smoke
I see life like Wonderland
Stirrin' up one's lurking hope
Sayin' your chances have no end
And I advance with resolute step
And I've no fear of being wrong
'Coz whenever troubles happen
You make me strong

And I advance with resolute step
And I've no fear of being wrong
'Coz whenever troubles happen
You make me strong

Who Sold The Book?

Once a small boy came up to his Father
Asking the question him to bother,
'Where can we find, Daddy, on what pages
What we should do to be good?'
Down came the grave voice filling the study,
'Long time ago there lived Somebody
He was as wise as Seven Sages
His home was heart of the wood

He knew where soft sunbeams were running
When thunderclaps approached stunning
He knew the song of every martlet
He knew dreams of the Tide
Once he made up his mind to mould
Of all that he knew one single whole
He bound a Book adorned with a starlet
And hid the World inside

He gave up one page to every being
One page to every thought and feeling
One page to every nature's wonder -
A million pages it took
He brought the Book to the people's bower
So that they'd use its Magic Power
But asked one thing to avoid blunder -
Never to sell the Book

The Sun changed the Moon, but life's not forever
The Man found his rest high up in Heaven
His Sacred Book was left with the people
For many centuries more
Turnin' its pages grew into a habit
But they forgot what it was aimed at
They whipped away the piety wimple -
Memory's short when you have no core

As time went by they found it needless
Just a passing glance at it was hideous
They sought the means to get rid of it
And the one who seeks finds a way
Two evil hands held out a coin,
'Dime for the Book' - 'Deal' - hands to join
Heaven got by the storm-clouds folded
There came another Day

Trees lost their blossom under poison
The wall painted blood has hid horizon
Wars seized the Planet, Hate took the Soul
With bombs set off here and there
Dry tears of those who lost their homes
And of the diseased terrific moans
A walk in the dollar rain's a goal -
That's our fair share...'

The small boy was sittin' still by his Father
And deep in their thoughts they looked at each other
And bitter tears were rolling down the boy's cheeks
Through weeping a whisper came,
'But how can I mend the Book of Planet
And hide far so that no one could sell it
Protect it from someone else's mean tricks
With whom should I share the blame?'

Father again laid aside his Sunday,
'You're part of this Sacred Volume, Sonny
And it was waiting through the ages
For your coming in this World
You live your life the way you feel it
But always follow your kindly spirit
And don't do harm to other pages
Then your life will cost for gold!'

The Boy lived his life without snivel
Paid Good for Good, and Good for Evil
Melted the ice of spiteful stare
With his soft, tender look
But from time to time when the night seemed endless
He would give way to his deep sadness
Gaze at the skies and rend the air
Asking, 'Who sold the Book?'

Mmm, who sold the Book...

10 000 Heroes

With a knapsack slung you walk down the Highway
Suckin' road dust, watchin' cars that pass
In these cars you see so much different stories
Tryin' to fit on yourself so much different lives

And you won't stop all this image hunt
Till you see what you don't see so far -

You can try to play 10 000 heroes
But there is one who you are

You're a recent grad from a province town
For a better life heading to St.Pete
Or a 'golden boy' driving a long-legged blondie
With a cocaine smile in your shiny Jeep

You'll never stop all this image hunt
Till you see what you don't see so far -

You can try to play 10 000 heroes
But there is one who you are

Life is sure a game where one changes roles
But your major part is exclusive deal
Each one has an aim he has been born for
Yours - is bein' that guy walkin' down the way

You'll never stop all your image hunt
Till you see what you don't see so far -

You can try to play 10 000 heroes
But there is one who you are

You can try to play 10 000 heroes
But there is one you are

Very first song

This is my first song. I started writing the text 5 years ago after the end of the 1st “Star Factory” (Russian version of “Pop Stars” or “American Idol”). It’s the song meant to be sung by the winner. I just imagined what song a winner of such project could sing. Then I gave up writing. And returned to it half a year ago just to get it finally finished. And composed the melody, too. This is non-format for me, ‘coz it’s 100% pop song, that’s why I post it here without hesitation.


Your Story

Have you ever though you would be here
On a stage among a million of beams
And the crowds crying out your name
Have you known of your strain?
Have you ever thought you’d win the game
Of creation every single day
And of much tension when they chose you then
And when you were saved again?

Whatever happens in your life
Don’t give up your starting
And one day the fading light
Will turn into the lightning
This is how comes glory
And always believe it’s for you
It’s your story

Have you ever thought it could be true
You’re now acting just like real stars do
Walking manners, dancing, singing skills
Have you known all these things?
You come out, to you they stretch their hands
You are living in some cloud land
When you see that who they need is you!
It lifts you up to the blue

Whatever happens in your life
Don’t give up your starting
And one day the fading light
Will turn into the lightning
This is how comes glory
And always believe it’s for you
It’s your story

Let troubles surround
And knock you down –
Don’t kneel to miseries
Let no one believe it
And uphold your spirit -
Take it as it is
Let tears appear
And bars bring fear –
Remember time will cure
Just don’t turn off your road
And trust one code
That I now know for sure

Whatever happens in your life
Don’t give up your starting
And one day the fading light
Will turn into the lightning
This is how comes glory
And always believe it’s for you…

Whatever happens in your life
Don’t give up your starting
And one day the fading light
Will turn into the lightning
This is how comes glory
And always believe it’s for you
And always believe it’s for you
And always believe it’s for you
It’s your story

Song for my girls

Inspired by this important stage in my life – graduating from university – I have written a text to the melody of Hanson “I Will Come To You” dedicated to university professors, lecturers and teachers, and certainly to my fellow-students. This song was originally aimed at being sung at the Last Bell Party in April. We were all first announced that each group should prepare a performance, and we decided that it should be a song. But when everything was ready, we got to know that a united performance was already been rehearsed by the representatives of different groups. The song did not fit in the general scenario, and it was settled that we would sing it at the Farewell Party in June. However it never came to be heard by anyone except Ox ‘coz no one finally wanted to rehearse anything as usual. Maybe at that moment I felt a bit disappointed and sad for the wasted pains, but nothing’s ever done in vain. I can at least put it hear :)

It’s for you girls – Giffie Ox, Mila, Krech, Novich, Renata, Alice-the-Raccoon, Huha, Lena, Anya, Katemich - and for all our fellow-students from groups 452a, 452b, 453, 454a, 454b and those German- and French Department guys who can understand these English lines :)))

We Will Never Forget

Though we strode through misfortune
And found some many things to torture
We will never forget university time
Though course papers were annoying
Our private life alloying
We will never forget university time

Sometimes we were in despair
Failing an exam
And said, “Profs do not care
Who I really am”.
But there is sense in every movement
It results in your improvement
Time will go, and we will know
What it was for

Even though these years weren’t easy
And at times we felt imprisoned
We will never forget university time
Though you preached, and we refused it
We were happy being students
And we’ll never forget university time

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na
We will never forget
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na

In spite of such a roads’ variety
We chose to be part of student society
Time will go, and we will know
What it was for

Even though these years weren’t easy
And at times we felt imprisoned
We will never forget university time

Looking back at times we have shared – tears and smiles
We see how much we gained in life
And though sometimes our actions hurt you
Deep in our hearts we’ve always loved you
And we won’t forget this time

Хоть легко нам не давался,
И, порой, тюрьмой казался,
Не забудем мы университет
Хоть шагали сквозь напасти,
Все же быть студентом – счастье
Не забудем мы университет