Everything passes someday...

Все когда-то уходит

Все когда-то уходит
Рассвет разбивает сны
Все когда-то уходит
Не остановишь дни

Точка закроет повесть
Кривая нарушит круг
Или, растаяв в вечность,
Смолкнет аккорда звук

Не растянуть мгновенье
В бешеной гонке вперед
Но и она не вечна -
Всем нам один черед

Все когда-то уходит
В снег обратятся дожди
Все когда-то уходит
Не остановишь дни…

Mood

I was waiting these holidays so anxiously since I had so many plans promising me a fantastic time, and I hurried so much home on a Friday evening to start the weekend at once. But instead I got a bunch of offensive words, silence, days broken and a feeling of enormous guilt and regret inside. This feeling has not left me still by now, and I have a lot of questions to myself - and no answers. Or maybe I don’t feel like knowing the answers?.. Wished to talk to Polina yesterday hoping she will raise my mood. But she was sad herself, constantly asking, “Ah tell me am I gonna find my love in the end? Where does it wander, the feeling which they show in the movies?..” The only good thing of the whole weekend was seeing Mom and spending some time with her, her colleague and their pupils. They are so light, so happy, so cheerful!!! I forgot how to be like that… I stayed overnight with them and was even 20 min in advance to work today! That’s my absolute record. But I’m sitting here in my workplace by myself staring into the monitor… and don’t want nothing… Just wish to lock myself somewhere and never show up again or melt somewhere among those to whom I’m used to, like my close friends or relatives. Don’t want to see anybody new. It’s silly, and I try to fight it, have just sent an sms to Lyuba, “Do we have any party today, or we might just meet up?” But she does not respond… I can go home in the evening and pretend to be busy with some insignificant stuff like making a CD or downloading a movie or making dinner. But it will not put the heart of my worries at rest. Until I know what I want and what I need – what I don’t know yet…

"Где найти ответ?
Где найти покой?
Это просто жизнь -
На уровне с игрой..."

Almost dead

Almost dead... Caught a cold several days ago and had to stay at home rather than enjoy life during the whole weekend. It was still worse 'coz I was at my hometown and could not have an opportunity to see friends or do as much as I could. And now... terrible cough every 3 seconds, so that I could barely eat my lunch today, nose running and headache turning head into a brick. But still have to stay at work and ... work. AWFUL! I'd prefer to jump to bed as soon as I finish work, but I need to buy pills to stop this cough and pay for the Internet... Ah... so many things to do... Don't want nothing and noone... Wanna sleep and not to wake up, for at least one week... Ah ease my pain! KILL ME!!!

My 'nice' morning

What a ‘nice’ morning I had today! I was fast asleep when George started waking me up, “I think it’s time to get up, come on, come on!” Yesterday I told him to be more firm at doing that ‘coz otherwise I would never get up myself. He sounded very resolved, and I got up and forwarded to the bathroom, slightly rocking on my way. George was still lying in bed seeing dreams. Then I crawled to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took some things for sandwiches. And I was just about to grasp the sandwiches I made when I suddenly looked up at the clock. 3:59. Noo!!! I thought something must be wrong with the clock, and went back to the bedroom and looked at the clock in my mobile phone – same! It’s not difficult to imagine my next reaction, “GEOOOOOOORGE, I WILL BITE YOU!!!” Sure I crashed down to bed right at that moment…

He said he must have seen it in his dreams that it was time to wake up. Very nice, isn’t it? ;(

Rrrr...

Rrrr... When I say, "No" - how can it mean "Yes" I wonder? And why should anybody take it as "Yes"?! I've been telling this word to him too many times in respond to his invitations, every time finding a reason not to go. If one's not a fool, he'd understand I don't want nothing with him!!! But this American keeps on calling and calling and calling me, worse than Turks who phone me too often with their invitations to Turkey (I think I need to delete my phone number from my HC profile). I don't know HOW to get rid of him, but I don't wanna start to offend, 'coz I'm bit of afraid, he really is sort of mad person... Right now he totally spoilt my mood for the evening... Hope the carpet cleaners will improve it. Or George. Well sure they will. Looking forward for the evening :)))

Stuff for home

I spent the whole weekend buying stuff for my apartment. On Saturday George and I returned home loaded with bags from IKEA and Ashan. On Sunday we went to HyperGlobus in Shchelkovo, a town in the Moscow region, 30-40 min from Moscow, to buy those things that we haven’t found on Saturday. It is such a pleasure to buy something for your living on your own money (even though I can’t afford buying beautiful expensive things that I certainly like), plan where you will put them, bring home and finally start using! As if these things open a new life before your eyes.You feel indescribable sensation washing them and finding a place for them. And you never feel tired when carrying them, no matter how heavy them might seem to you. Because they are YOURS! :) In Russia we use to say, "A burden of one's choice is not felt". The only sad thing is that I don’t have my own apartment, and every time I move to another one I will have to pack my things again and go. It’s the most important issue among all I face. The most complicated and the longest one. And it's almost impossible to solve this problem presently :(

STUPID

Forgot my glasses when hurrying to work (being late as usual). So now I am sitting in my computer chair stretching my neck as far towards computer as possible. But it doesn’t help much, ‘coz my working table is too wide :( That’s how it happens: you leave at home something to which you are accustomed, and in a rash turn into an absolutely helpless creature. Plus spoilt mood and irritation towards everything and everyone. Awful! Thank God, George is at home, and will soon bring me my glasses. I can’t start working normally until I get them. Maybe it’s time to think about contact lenses?.. Ah, why am I so disorganized?! :(((