Broken Boomerang

I need to redo the text of “Reliability”. Yes, they both did let me down, and I still feel a kind of upset, more not ‘coz of this let-down, but ‘coz it were they, the people whom I trusted so much. One apologized and we restored piece. One did not. But it’s not what it’s about. Now – I’m doing the same thing to Katya, the person who never let me down in any situation and who was praps the only one among my so-to-say ‘new’ friends (mean not from school days, those ones who are tested by time) on whom I could rely (mm… not 100% sure, ‘coz practice showed you never know, but almost). I can imagine what she now thinks about me (or maybe even cannot?!), and though I apologized I know things will never go on like they did before. ‘Coz I’m now out of trust anyway. And she’s serious and responsible, so should her friends be. I don’t fit in. Never did, but I was trying my best to meet these requirements. Silly – you can never hide the truth. And my lot is spending chatty nights in pubs laughing ‘bout some silly joke with those who will easily kick me off their way as soon as they think I’ve gone too far and hinder. I HATE IT! But I know that I will always go lured by something insensible. And well it’s better than letting down decent people and feel ashamed and guilt after. I feel bad. I have a desire to get on the train back home now, and leave everything behind and disappear in the usual fuss of Moscow. Hoping to forget this blemish. I won’t, but I will play. Like I always do when I feel bad. Talking to those who don’t know about what has happened. I will tell, but they won’t blame ‘coz no one blames ‘til he’s into this, too.

They say, “as you sow you shall mow”, right? Or “your every deed will boomerang to you”. Then I’ve got some broken boomerang at my side, ’coz I first mow, then sow. TELL ME WHAT’S THE SENSE IN A BROKEN BOOMERANG???